Intuition, trust it

I wonder sometimes why i update.  it seems like When i have the positive things to say, shit just goes down the tubes after that.. A once hopeful woman who has been torn in pieces, little by little her heart fades yet the love and inspiration to love stays strong.  Some might call me a glutton for punishment and others admire the moments I can get back up and get back out there.  A girlfriend of mine says, I don't think i could date at this age.. She has been married for 15 years and yeah it gets a little tougher when you're older.

So the Adorkable dude.. so much for communication, I didn't re-read the last post but the short of the long, my intuition is on point.  That said, I sensed some distance from him and he wasn't as sweet and lovey dovey honeymoon phase with his emoticons and i posted on reddit on /r/relationships for advice but was met with the fact that I have unrealistic expectations.  I am certainly not the best at explaining things and making the facts on point because i always forget pieces here and there that need to be added in later.  Either way, i was basically told that I shouldn't expect him to text me right away when I text him.. The person missed the point entirely.  I texted him, didn't hear from him for over a day and a half.  This is after we I would hear from him in the morning with "good morning, sunshine" texts.  Shit was fading and I'm no dummy.

I had a dream, I dreamed that i was with him and talking to him about things and said i had a feeling he was dating other people or went on a date, he assured me he had and I said, I know we're not exclusive but I don't want to date other people and I don't know how I feel about it.  I don't think i can get on board.  and i woke up feeling like shit.  I hate dreams like that.  anyway, I went on the dating site i found him on and looked from my hidden and deactivated profile.. surprisingly you can do that.  and I searched for his age, his height and his city.. sure as shit, he made a new profile.  So i texted him and said "hey I noticed you're back on the site, are you still interested in dating me?"  I felt like it was a fair question and it backfired, he said, i could ask you the same thing.  well he didn't answer the question he just deflected.  It turned in to me telling him how i had a feeling and he said "you expect me to believe you have ESP, i made the profile less than 8 hours ago."  He was really pissed, showed his true colors, wouldn't even talk to me on the phone said he didn't believe me that i had a feeling about it.  well sorry i rely on that like no other and i'm usually spot on so go fuck yourself, chief.

Anyway I ended up having a pretty shitty time and felt like my heart was ripped out because i really liked him.  It kind of kick started me in getting my shit togther though.  since him, I started working from home with the potential to make 25% more than i was making working and i have been focusing more on my business as well.  I get keys to my new apartment in a couple days and life is good.  After he "dumped" me i went back on the dating site, messaged a guy i had been intimidated talking to for nearly two years.. and this time he wrote me back.  He is a bohemian biker dude and i'm waiting for his phone call.  A dude who hates to be on the phone but spent 4.5 hours with me on the phone last night.  He's not my mr. forever, but he is someone I think who came into my life for a reason.  my heart is full.