Adorkable

As many of you know, I seldom update this. I don't know why, its dryspells its dating at its lowest and I don't know what to type.  I guess I type what I can, when I can.

its been nearly a year and a half since my daughter was born.  I have gained a new insight into what does and does not work for me and I feel I've grown up a great deal.  My last relationship, if you could call it that ended with me pregnant, ignored and cheated on, finding out he had fathered 3 other children born in the same year as my daughter.. what a winner.  He was a sociopath and i chose to ignore the signs in front of me because it felt nice to feel loved and appreciated.

Fast forward to to years later, I'm a mom, a busy entrepreneur and working a full-time job, but I want to try and find someone to share my life with.  I get on match.com and had this really cute guy chatting me up, find out, he just wants a booty call- NEXT!  I can't comprehend the need to pay for match but only want sex, i guess its cheaper than a hooker!  I'm also with a profile on Plenty of Fish.

Since the summer began, I went on 4 dates, its nearing the end of summer and I feel like thats a pretty good streak.  I had a date with the 8 years my junior, neighbor and he was nice but not the right guy for me.  Date 2 was a guy who was super nice but in the end, he likes to drink a bit much for my taste.  Now dates 3 and 4 are a little close together, one being last sunday and the other last night.

Sunday, I met up with a prior marine, potshop owning entrepreneur who was sweet and kind, but a little self absorbed and didn't really ask me a lot.  He seemed super interested but when it boiled down to it, he just wanted to get in my pants and I denied him.  He was just too involved in trying to get in my pants than trying to get to know me as a person.  He even said at one point when we were making out in his car, you're going to have to leave, because i'm just too turned on and we can't keep going if we aren't going any further.  Wow buddy, way to think with your dick.  finito!

The ex marine kept talking to me all the while i was taking with dude number 4 who was really putting effort into getting to know me. we had a day and a half worth of our version of 20 questions.  We covered a lot of ground and I appreciated that about him.  I nearly wrote him off because he seemed cocky to begin with but i stuck it out and decided on learning more about personality because through text its hard to convey emotion and I can only read it as the voice in my head perceives it.  So the marine says, "Can I see you today" well no my niece was coming over and i was honest with him and told him I was talking with someone else that I thought seemed to be a better connection of what I was looking for.  He was ok with it but promptly told me I was not to come back to him if it didn't work out with this guy because he wasn't a "2nd opinion" whatever he meant by that.

Friday night is finally here and I meet up with Mr. Adorkable, or Mr. A for short. We meet up at the local riverwalk and he immediately kisses me, he had asked about it prior to our meeting and I waffled but we decided what can it hurt, he had really been good at communicating with me.  We walked around and came to a little section in the back under some trees just looking over the river and its dark so we are only lit by the dimming sky and nearby streetlights that hover behind the trees.  He tells me about his tattoos and we discuss some more things in life like hot springs, general discoveries in our state and just general life things.  The one tattoo story he told me pulled at my heart strings and gave me a little piece of him that I feel leaves a person vulnerable and it was a really sweet moment.

We end up just making out on this bench in the hidden grove and I want to move to the grass because a metal bench isn't that comfy and i do better sitting indian style than I do any other way. We get up, walk over back to his truck and decide to just go somewhere more private, now I know what you're thinking.. yes, we actually did go back to his house.  It was never like that for me, this is someone i'm connecting with on a real level.  He played some music for me and we just were with each other in this magical. He made sure to tell me how beautiful I was and it just felt right.  Everything felt as it should be. I told him today that I appreciated his expressive nature and his touch. I also mentioned that I feel like the lucky one that he made me feel, last night, how I needed to feel for a long time.

I'm not sure where this will lead.  I am going to try and not think about it.  Right now it feels really good but my mind tells me that nothing is really going to happen. He wants to stay here  and I want to live in California... life is everchanging and I don't want to put myself or my life in a box, but I certainly can't seem to get my mind out of anything ever working out for me because of my past.  Will that hinder or me or save me in the end?  I guess we shall see. Right now I am on the fence of how i feel because of it all.  I feel really good with him but my gut tells me its not really there.  as I say, time will tell..