Last night was a weird night. I ended up typing the last post while i sat with the cowboy's mom. I had a little bit of a cry sesh with her. i don't think she realized i was talking about him but its no matter, i needed to figure out how it is that i can trust people. Well he just is a loving man and i need to trust him.. as i said before i cannot let what has happened in my past affect my present or future. Its not fair to them and its certainly not fair to me.
We went to my brothers house last night, in fact, we are still here.. There was a card game we played with my brother's family, a few of his friends and my mom as it was her birthday yesterday, so we played and drank and well i got a little lit last night. at first, I noticed Cowboy on his phone and had it out so much. i let him know that it bothered me that he had it out and i've just never seen him so glued to the phone. he said once we get to my brothers house, he will put it away.. and he mostly did.. so it was a fine evening.. but in the drunken stupor that was me last night i got over it. I just snuggled and cuddled with him and he kept telling me he loved me and asked "you're mine, right? no one elses?" god what woman doesn't want to hear that. of course i'm all his. he truly is a great man.
this morning my niece said "when i came home from work last night you guys were spooning together and you slept adorably" it was one of the sweetest things to hear.
I have a long way to go on this road but i definitely want to keep things up and keep this guy around.. stay tuned. there will be more to come
Sunday, June 29, 2014
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Official and complicated
Well the cowboy and I have made things official. It didn't take long and its been a fantastic ride. This man, I keep saying, is the man I'm going to marry. He truly is a man of mans.. The kind of guy I've been looking for. So why is it I can't trust?
I've had a hard time trusting people in my life and I'm trying to figure it out. I have had people close to me lie to me and cheat me or cheat on me and I have no patience for that. It makes me question the world. Why does persons actions affect the way I see the world? I need to get out my head and live my life. I am in charge of my own feelings and I cannot let the past affect my future.
More on this later but I needed to get this out. I don't want to lose this one.
Wednesday, June 11, 2014
grey area and the question
Well, Things have been a bit of a whirlwind. I've spent nearly everyday with the cowboy since we met. I had felt that he was distant but he kept coming around and i'm like.. this is so weird. He knows i've been through a lot of depression and such lately, so he and i talked about it. He tells me "You're just not ready to be emotionally attached to someone. I don't want to sit here and get attached to you only to have you push me away... every time you have an emotional upset, it could potentially push me away and i will walk.. so here I am, i'm going to be here in this grey area while you get yourself to a better place emotionally. I want to see where this goes, You're just not ready for it, i'm willing to wait. WOW!! that was really powerful.. I don't know where this guy came from but it is one of those things that fucks me up. i'm black and white when it comes to relationships. I never learned how to function in a grey area, its all or nothing.. I needed a new approach to things in general. He is a sweet guy and just the fact that he is willing to wait, he wants to be around me, but he can't emotionally invest in me, because it could potentially ruin us both. I ruined things with LOD and HC because of emotional attachments and vulnerabilities. In fact, i've been vulnerable to most men, but i digress.. this one has a lot to offer.
I told him he was going into my blog and never really questioned it, but one night he just said "I am the question" it was an interesting thing because he has NO CLUE what this blog is called.. perhaps he is the question, it sure is something i'm willing to figure out.
In the mean time... we have a stalker. There is this girl that blatantly talks shit about me, she has never met me in person and has no reason to talk shit, other than my career and work might be better than hers.. in fact it is.. i'm not going to sugar coat it.. there is no doubt... Anyway, she has been talking to him for some time and he mentioned that he was talking to me and she was like "don't add her on facebook" then proceeded to talk shit about me. Well, he and I met later that day or the next day and he mentioned it to me.. since then he has pretty much ignored her and finally yesterday he told her that he met someone and that was that, how he wanted to see where it goes with me. Anyway, he never told her it was me, but today i tagged him in my status and she even liked it.. then her facebook wall says "don't you just love being lied to" yeah, it was just after my post.. ironic?? i think she might just have some mental instabilities of her own, we did tell one another that no matter what happens with her, we won't let it affect our relationship. I have a feeling this is going to be a bumpy ride.. oh and she unliked the post that i tagged him in.. this should be interesting..
I told him he was going into my blog and never really questioned it, but one night he just said "I am the question" it was an interesting thing because he has NO CLUE what this blog is called.. perhaps he is the question, it sure is something i'm willing to figure out.
In the mean time... we have a stalker. There is this girl that blatantly talks shit about me, she has never met me in person and has no reason to talk shit, other than my career and work might be better than hers.. in fact it is.. i'm not going to sugar coat it.. there is no doubt... Anyway, she has been talking to him for some time and he mentioned that he was talking to me and she was like "don't add her on facebook" then proceeded to talk shit about me. Well, he and I met later that day or the next day and he mentioned it to me.. since then he has pretty much ignored her and finally yesterday he told her that he met someone and that was that, how he wanted to see where it goes with me. Anyway, he never told her it was me, but today i tagged him in my status and she even liked it.. then her facebook wall says "don't you just love being lied to" yeah, it was just after my post.. ironic?? i think she might just have some mental instabilities of her own, we did tell one another that no matter what happens with her, we won't let it affect our relationship. I have a feeling this is going to be a bumpy ride.. oh and she unliked the post that i tagged him in.. this should be interesting..
Monday, June 9, 2014
I haven't written in a long time and frankly there hasn't been much to write about. I went to california, I did date one man there but we ended up friends.. its what happens... so.. NEXT!!! I come back to home and I don't think i'm ever going to meet anyone in this town... and here we go. I meet someone. He is pretty great actually. The first impression that I get of on facebook, with a little help from stalking his timeline was that he listens to country music.. so i'm going to call him the cowboy.
I have a busy day of graduation parties from my niece and nephew and their very long graduation ceremony but all I wanted to do was sit and chat with this fellow that I'd met online. He originally found me through my work and our mutual friends. He told me how beautiful my work was and I just thought he was super cute and so generously nice about that. A little while later he tells me how he would like to take me out for coffee. I happily agree to meet with such a handsome fellow and we stay in touch throughout the graduation ceremony and just afterward, before the party, I decide to meet up with him for a beer.
I arrive downtown and he is sitting at the train depot down the street and we have this long walk where we check each other out through our sunglasses, just trying to look cool. Gosh is he sexy, a tall drink of water and i sweet little swagger, he is the cowboy after all. (he listens to country music, he doesn't actually rope bulls ad ride horses.. or maybe he does.. and i just don't know. We walk over to the pub and grab a brew. I sit down and nervously chat him up for about an hour or so, I soon realize that i'm late to the graduation party. I wasn't ready to leave him yet, i was having such a good time that i forgot about the party entirely! I invited him to come with me and he hesitantly agreed as he didn't want to be an imposition since it was a family event.
The cowboy shows up with me to the grad party and everyone immediately asks who he is and I tell him we just met but we've been talking for a bit and he is pretty great. He cordially greets the family and we go sit down. Not long after, he seems my 8 year old nephew sitting alone at a table away from all the other kids and about to eat his meal and he gets up to go sit next to him. It was the most genuinely heart warming moments i've ever witnessed in my life. I let them chew the fat for a little bit before i went over. My nephew was in awe, he had a new best friend and he was just so happy! We enjoyed the rest of the party together and as I was leaving I noticed he was helping clean up by taking trash out and my 16 year old niece said "auntie, he is pretty perfect". I just smiled and everyone seemed to really enjoy having him there.
we left and went to the park where the mosquitos feasted on our flesh, and then i decided perhaps we should go indoors. We just sat and talked and made out like kids. He was a perfect gentleman and I can't wait to see where the wind takes us
I have a busy day of graduation parties from my niece and nephew and their very long graduation ceremony but all I wanted to do was sit and chat with this fellow that I'd met online. He originally found me through my work and our mutual friends. He told me how beautiful my work was and I just thought he was super cute and so generously nice about that. A little while later he tells me how he would like to take me out for coffee. I happily agree to meet with such a handsome fellow and we stay in touch throughout the graduation ceremony and just afterward, before the party, I decide to meet up with him for a beer.
I arrive downtown and he is sitting at the train depot down the street and we have this long walk where we check each other out through our sunglasses, just trying to look cool. Gosh is he sexy, a tall drink of water and i sweet little swagger, he is the cowboy after all. (he listens to country music, he doesn't actually rope bulls ad ride horses.. or maybe he does.. and i just don't know. We walk over to the pub and grab a brew. I sit down and nervously chat him up for about an hour or so, I soon realize that i'm late to the graduation party. I wasn't ready to leave him yet, i was having such a good time that i forgot about the party entirely! I invited him to come with me and he hesitantly agreed as he didn't want to be an imposition since it was a family event.
The cowboy shows up with me to the grad party and everyone immediately asks who he is and I tell him we just met but we've been talking for a bit and he is pretty great. He cordially greets the family and we go sit down. Not long after, he seems my 8 year old nephew sitting alone at a table away from all the other kids and about to eat his meal and he gets up to go sit next to him. It was the most genuinely heart warming moments i've ever witnessed in my life. I let them chew the fat for a little bit before i went over. My nephew was in awe, he had a new best friend and he was just so happy! We enjoyed the rest of the party together and as I was leaving I noticed he was helping clean up by taking trash out and my 16 year old niece said "auntie, he is pretty perfect". I just smiled and everyone seemed to really enjoy having him there.
we left and went to the park where the mosquitos feasted on our flesh, and then i decided perhaps we should go indoors. We just sat and talked and made out like kids. He was a perfect gentleman and I can't wait to see where the wind takes us
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