Today i enlisted the girls help in getting some things packed. Yes i am moving, i don't have the job yet but I will. I decided it was good to get a head start and pack slowly. There are certainly things I can't pack just yet but why not pack what I can.
I have decided I need more desk space too, so I have been coming up with ideas. I plan to get an old door, paint it all cool, maybe antique it and find some cool metal "legs" and attach them to one side, then place a piece of glass over it. So if anyone reading this knows of some old sturdy doors that might be going in the garbagio, please inform me.
So the first part of the moving has commenced and I will also be buying lights to get that going for me and certainly start shooting. I'd like to rent a two bedroom apartment and turn on part of it into a studio, i would rather not have the desk in the studio but maybe thats not such a bad idea.. hmm. wow ok you all have just been invited into my thought process too, yes my brain is that simple haha.
News on the BE3 front has been just about the same. We have talked a few times, phone and text, its been few and far between. I got to the bottom of the match stuff, pretty much like i gathered, he is just there, not really looking but looking to look. I go through the same stuff, I never expect anything to happen but in life, what is it if you don't at least give it a go. I know he is still not ready to date but it is what it is. I am still there for him as he is with me, we just have to give it time. I had mentioned to him that he will find his "click" etc and he replied, "i'm not really looking though either. you know we clicked. I told him i knew and i just wanted to give him time to figure things out but nothing is ever set in stone in life, like he said he believes in fate, we may have clicked but that doesn't mean its the end all be all, its a nice though but he could find his 10 (i'm an 8.5 lol, damn black licorice lovin me) in the meantime. i'm not really looking either. i'm on a mission right now and my life is focused on making things better for myself, thus the moving and light buying.
I still don't know where it leaves things, and i am ok with that, for the most part. I still feel like i kicked him when he was down and i shouldn't have been so selfish and told him i couldn't be around him, though i would still be there for him. His profile is inactive once again and i just feel like something is up. i reached out to let him know if he needed anything he could call upon me but i've yet to hear anything. He will get in touch with me when he needs me. I just can't shake the feeling that he is in my life for a reason, maybe its to give me hope in love, because that was lost for a long time. Maybe its because he will later be in my life in a large capacity, that i do not yet know, but i am not giving up, I still smile when i think of him and my friend lastnight could not get over how smitten i still am with him though things have changed since the 1st of the year.
Some of you reading this will be shaking your head and telling me through your computer screen not to wear my heart on my sleeve, that i should leave well enough alone. I will just say this, I am glad you care so much for my heart strings but in some cases you just can't help what you feel and this one is special regardless of what the future holds. Even if he disappears tomorrow, there was a spark, and that's a feeling that no one can take away. I will be sad if that happens but I will still move forward and find that one that makes it happen all over again, although i do wish it to be him, i'm looking for my best friend in life. I wonder if he still has "otis."
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