I woke up with him on my mind, I
played it cool, tried not to seem to eager but I couldn’t wait to text
him. I was up for about 3 hours and I’d
had enough, asked him how he slept. Said
he slept good and was painting and had a friend on the way over. Our texts were few and far between… it gave
me an odd feeling, My friend said.. don’t
over think it, this is something I do often.
I thought ok, be cool. He
uploaded two new pics? I’m thinking..
oh, he’s still looking, it wasn’t as good as I thought it was.. overthink
overthink..stop. OK, I’m cool (yes my
little peptalk) So the day progresses
and he mentions he has been having trouble sleeping. Dah Dah Dunnnnnn, me to the rescue!!! I was on my way to the store anyway so I
picked up some Valerian Root Extract, Tea and Calming lavender bubble
bath. Yeah bubble bath was a long shot..
but I knew it would help ;) I even
picked up some honey for his tea, wasn’t sure if he liked it a little sweet or
not. Then since he gave me such a hard
time on the black licorice.. I picked him up some red licorice, yeah cute, I know. We had plans to meet up the following day and
I would give this stuff to him and hang out.
Day 4
I'm getting ready in the bathtub,
soaking and looking forward to the day ahead, I’m going to see this amazing
soul who I’ve felt so connected to in such a short time. Beep, my phone lets me know I have a text… He
tells me he has to cancel for today, his ex called and messed with his head
quite a bit. Let me know he wasn’t
really ready to be in a relationship again.
There it was. My heart sank. I had that gut feeling, that something was
off, he didn’t seem right the day before.
I looked at it like this.. I need to step back, he needs time to heal,
but I’m not ready to let go of someone so amazing, what do I do? I can say fuck it, my luck this sucks and
feel bad for myself but the reality of it.. I’ve been there, I know that
feeling, it’s a shitty feeling and the last thing I wanted to do is step
away. Something tells me he should be in
my life. Its not up to me to make that
decision at this point, I told him I’d like to drop the stuff off I got for
him, to help him sleep and say goodbye if that’s what this was. He said, its not goodbye, “its just not right
now.” What do I do with this? My heart just kept sinking.. its rare that I feel
so strongly for someone so soon. I tell
him I understand and since I will be in his area, to let me know if he changes
his mind and I’ll still be around. He
thanks me and the day progresses.
I take the stuff I need to, to my
old job, I leave and drive up north to Colorado Springs, I thought about going
to the mall, I hate shopping, so I parked in the parking lot and texted a
friend. I needed someone to talk to, I needed
a drink, she was down for that even though she was about to go work out, and
apparently got her ass kicked by her trainer too.. ~PSA: rethink beer before
you work out folks~ We went to hooters,
she gave it to me straight up and told me what I needed to hear. I am so glad I have all the friends I do, I’m
so thankful and grateful for everyone.
We left so she could get to the gym and I headed out.
Driving home, I was sad and confused
but thankful. I decided to text him
(voice to text of course) and thanked him for being honest with me. In reality he could have just not called me
ever again, he was a man, that’s rare, most people aren’t that honest in such a
short time. I needed to let him know that I appreciated him. Oddly enough he texted back right away, said
he was just about to text me, then he asked me to come over….
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