rekindling what?

Its March and we are back on the same path, I decide to change things up a bit, show him  I mean business!  Its his birthday mid-month and i decide to take him on our first real date.  I told him he could pick the restaurant, anywhere he wanted to go and we'd be there.  This guy is a fine dining chef and I want to impress him.  He picks a restaurant where they have fancy white cloth table cloths, two glasses, and a full set up of silverware.  They bring us bread with oil and herbs mixed in... I have no clue, who'd have thunk to eat oil...!!!  Oh but it was delightful.  I'd never been at a place like this, I didn't even have a nice enough purse, I had to borrow one for the evening.  We sipped on wine (him beer) and had a lovely dinner.  The food was so delicious and I wanted to make this my new favorite place!  The bill ended up being $85 and i'm like uh.. alrighty then.  I'm from a smaller town with no places like this at all so it was a bit of a shocker to me.  We enjoyed the company, full of delicious food and went home.  I was smiling ear to ear, thinking that this was going somewhere wonderful and dreamed of the day he'd ask me to be exclusive.  Call me a little old fashioned but thats kind of how it works in my head, the guy asks the girl to be his lady and life is a little more merrier.

About a week and a half later... its Reggae Tuesday!!!!  A group of us decide to get our groove on with some nice jams and a few drinks and have a good time.  He and i hadn't really progressed it was get together here and there and that was about it.  I was beginning to lose faith in it all so i decided to have a grand time regardless of my "status" or lack thereof.  Reggae jams, a nice cool night with the ocean breeze wafting in and a few sexy drinks, we're having a blast.  Of course we are both smokers and since his "baggie" was "confiscated" and given to the band, he was outside a lot.  I get a few drinks in me and I tend to smoke em if i got em.. well i used to back then.  Anyhow, I was outside and it seemed that every time i went outside there was this nice gentleman there chatting me up.  We just happened to be outside at the same time always, didn't time it that way or anything, just how it was.  Every once in a while, Mr. lack of direction would find his way outside and stand next to me, or chat with the guy that was obviously flirting with me.  He even put his arm around me a few times, I figured that's the male equivalent of them battling each other in the forest for the lady in question.  This was a bizarre feeling.

I ended up getting Mr. flirty smoker's phone number and calling it a night.  Of course Mr. Lack of Direction, lets call him LOD for short, comes home with me.  We wake up the next day and hang out and he's wanting a little more attention than I am willing to give him at this point.  He asks me whats wrong and of course I sit down and have the burrito talk ALL over again.  History tends to repeat itself and i had that sick feeling again that I was going to lose this fun lovin' guy because i had commitment issues (meaning i needed him to lease the cow or i wasn't giving the milk for free).  He of course didn't want to talk about it and I replayed the previous nights scenario.  I told him i got that guys number and i wasn't about to sit and not live my life because he wanted to be with me but didn't want to really call it anything.  He conceded and realized he might lose this special lady and that night i became his girlfriend.  It was official, March was a beautiful month!

March 1, 2004

School was out for the week, my 3rd session of school complete.  I had just moved into a new place and needed to take rent to the landlords.  My roommates had all gone home to visit for the week, some in state some out of state.  I wasn't so fortunate, i didn't have the luxury of just gallivanting off at the drop of a hat.  I went to the school to get an advance on the school loan and go to the bank to cash it.

I was leaving school and since it doesn't rain all that often in southern California, i figured the roads might be a bit slick, i put my seat belt on... i wasn't one to drive with it all the time.  That thought possibly saved my life.  Less than 30 seconds later, my front end was hit and i was pushed across into the oncoming lane, good thing it was a slow traffic day.  Compact car against SUV, i was in the compact car.  I rode in an ambulance for the first time and was released later that day after initial examination.  My body was bruised and sore, i had no car.  I think i took a cab home that day but don't recall. 

I got home to no one, its like when you're sick and you just need someone to take care of you, that's how i felt.  I called him.  I felt broken, I think that day he was working but i left a message anyway, maybe i left a couple.  He came over that night and took me in his arms.  It was a tender night and a beautiful rekindling.  Something told me it wasn't over then... we had such a strong connection that I couldn't just stand and let it slip away again...

To Burrito or Not to Burrito

Ahh, yes, the Burrito Story.... We had been dating for a few weeks now, gone camping on the beach, hung out with the group, spent many nights together and me, not being a seasoned dater, decide to bring up the talk. 

We went to get burritos at a 24 hour place out by the university, hoppin place, decent burritos and 24 hours??  who doesn't love that?!  I had been pretty quiet that night and on the drive back to my place... I told him i wanted to talk to him.  I am pretty sure he knew what was coming.  It was around February 5th, Valentines day is just around the corner and I had never been with anyone on the "Hallmark Holiday" as people call it.

We sit down on the couch and I took a deep breath, I decided to go for it.  I asked him where he saw "us" going...  silence  oh god oh no, what did i do... but I did need to know.  I sat there in anticipation, waiting, trying to see what he would say... he took a bite of his carne asada burrito and chewed, contemplating, thinking about what to say.  There was a point where i didn't think he would say a word, though when he did, it wasn't what i had anticipated.  Out of his mouth came, "We can talk about it after i finish my burrito"  His burrito came and went, then he went home.  i kicked myself for asking, did I do it wrong, was I not suppose to ask?  Did I just ruin it?  I didn't sleep well that night, he never did give me an answer.

Valentines day had come and gone, I hadn't really seen or heard from him.  We talked a little here and there but i was sure I scared him off.  Burritos have never been the same with me.  I remember that night like it was just a few moments ago, the feeling, the anticipation, the anxiety, little did i know, he would make it back into my life.